


walls oneshots

by masonlovesdanandphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), 2009 who?, Album: Walls (Louis Tomlinson), Anxiety, Break Up, Dan's Birthday, Insecurity, M/M, Phil Lester Loves Dan Howell, Phil is lonely, Skype, Song: Always You (Louis Tomlinson), Song: Defenceless (Louis Tomlinson), Song: Don't Let It Break Your Heart (Louis Tomlinson), Song: Habit (Louis Tomlinson), Song: Kill My Mind (Louis Tomlinson), Song: Perfect Now (Louis Tomlinson), Song: Too Young (Louis Tomlinson), Song: Two of Us (Louis Tomlinson), Song: Walls by Louis Tomlinson, Song: We Made It (Louis Tomlinson), Song:Fearless by Louis Tomlinson, Young Love, and we miss dan, come back daniel howell, dan misses phil, dan's secret project reference, hey a tag about me, i just made that tag wh-, is nice, phil can't dance lol, phil loves dan's eyes, references to TATINOF/II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23950027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masonlovesdanandphil/pseuds/masonlovesdanandphil
Summary: just the songs on the "walls" album by louis tomlinson as short phanfics
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Kudos: 2





	1. kill my mind

_You're a nightmare on the dance floor  
And you hate me, and I want more_

i never understood why everyone was obsessed with phil lester. like sure he had pretty blue eyes, shiny black hair but holy shit he can't dance. he hates me and i can feel his annoying smirk from half way across the dance floor. yeah, i hate him but why do i find him so alluring.

_You're a total distraction_  
_While I'm waiting for your reaction, whah?_

i was so out of it, i never even heard my friend louise call my name because i was busy watching him try and dance with those long legs and hips swaying to the beat, just waiting for him to just well react look at me in that same concertration he has to his dance moves.

_The devil in my brain, whispering my name_  
_I can hear it sayin', "I, I can ease the pain_

i want him. no i need him. he can ease the pain from my life just by looking me at the same way i look at him. who am i kidding he is never going to look at me the same like i said he hates me.

then he winked at me.

maybe he doesn't. 

just maybe.

oh god, phil lester kills my mind.


	2. don't let it break your heart

_Life gets hard and it gets messed up  
When you give so much, but it's not enough_

_  
_phil had never been in a relationship quite like that one he had with dan. he had come close to finding the one. in fact whilst in uni, he fell in love with a guy he rather forget. why? he broke phil's heart despite phil bring giving everything to ths relationship he thought would last forever.

_When the high's too high, and the low's too low_   
_When you love someone and they let you go_

there were days he was fine being single and he was happy to meet other people who may be the one for him. on the other hand there was that awful sense of loneliness, love had just disappeared in his life as quick as he found it. he swore to himself that he would never fall in love ever again to save his poor broken heart.

_Don't you let it kill you  
Even when it hurts like hell_

until he realised that he needed someone else to thirve and there was no point crying over the past. he never really knew to start until he saw the @danhowell once again on his timeline and thought it was worth a try. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well...


	3. two of us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am not making either of them die! mainly to save my sanity lol.

_It's been a minute since I called you  
Just to hear the answerphone_

it was ringing for minutes which felt like hours. the answerphone rang in my ears daily now. maybe like she blocked me. i don't mind if i knew that but i don't know that. 

_Yeah, I know that you won't get this_  
_But I'll leave a message so I'm not alone_

i ended up finding out she did block me. so i ranted a shit ton about how much i miss her that, i know it is pathetic but breakups make you pathetic. 

_This morning I woke up still dreaming_  
_With memories playing through my head_

i miss him. but he just another ex. she is no phil. i don't why i got so messed-up over an ex from like when i was seventeen. i just want to say sorry for breaking her heart 


	4. we made it

_'Cause we made it_   
_Underestimated_

there was nothing better than audience clap for you and the adrenaline rush just before is just amazing at least that is what dan told me before our first tour. and boy was he right! naturally, i am a quite anxious person who thinks way too much into things like this but for the first time, i didn't care about what others thought. after the show, dan just pecked me on the cheek and said "we made it"

_And always underrated_   
_Now we're saying goodbye_

i did not want ii to end at all there was too many people i wanted to meet and places to visit. but it was over and it was my turn to kiss dan and tell that we made it. 

_Waving to the hard times_   
_Yeah, it's gonna be alright_

dan was always low after the end of tours. he thirved on stage and needed me to tell how amazing he was on and off stage.


	5. too young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why is there only break up ideas in my head?

_Oh, I can't believe I gave in to the pressure  
When they said a love like this would never last_

i was too young. too reckless. too fucked-up. so i let him go because i was scared and i just want to tell myself that don't give up on love because you are young. young love is magical dan. enjoy it whilst it lasts don't let him go. 

_So I cut you off 'cause I didn't know no better_   
_Now I realise, yeah, I realise_

so i let him go. i still regret it. the regret i still think about daily.

_We were too young to know we had everything  
Too young, I wish I could've seen it all along_

young love fuck that was beautiful and i just let it go because everyone said it would not work. i miss him. 


	6. walls

_Nothing makes you hurt like hurting who you love  
And no amount of words will ever be enough _

we used to argue a lot. dan and i. mainly about stupid things that didn't really matter but he always ended the argument by giving me a certain look.

_I looked you in the eyes, saw that I was lost_

_For every question 'why', you were my 'because'_

dan had a way with eyes. one look and you could see everything you wanted to see. they were so deep and so easy to get lost in over and over again. he would often catch me out for staring at them but who can blame me.

_But these high walls came up short_   
_Now I stand taller than them all_

i can now give him a similar look and he knows that he fucked up. it is kind of funny not going to lie.


	7. habit

  
_You give me the time and the space_   
_I was out of control_

he left me. i don't blame him. in fact i am completely over him. who needs phil lester not me any day. honestly who the hell needs love not me for damm sure. i only need myself and that is that. who needs a soulmate not me. who needs a relationship once again not me.

_And I'm sorry I let you down  
Guess that I know what I already knew_

we did argue a lot but we did love each other. we just made sense together. it was bliss until i was a dick that drove him away. that is what always drives people away from me. my idiotic antics. he was the first one i loved though. however i don't need him, i just hurt people time and time again why the fuck would i need someone else to do that to. 

_I was better with you  
And I miss you now_

but. i miss him every day more and more. i miss phil letter. i need him. 


	8. always you

_I went to so many places_   
_Looking for you in the faces_

i went on my first tour without dan this year and it just never settled right. i needed him to tell me stupid shit. i needed him to tell me all the plans he has for the next day. but now i am just alone without him. looking for him even though i know he is at home planning some project. i want him here with me. skype calls don't help when you want a cuddle with your boyfriend. 

_I could feel it  
Oh, I could feel it  
  
_i could feel his presence in my audience's smiles. he used to be one of these people, fascinated by me. which he always jokes about that he used to just be a subscriber of mine and now he means the world to me. 

_I'm wasting my time when it was always you, always you  
Chasing the high but it was always you, always you_

it felt like a waste of my energy. seeing people happy made me happy sure. but i needed dan to reassure me that i am good enough for this whole thing because i feel insecure and pathetic without him which is stupid. he makes me feel the best and i feel flat without him.


	9. fearless

_Tell me do you still remember feeling young  
Strong enough to get it wrong_

young love was bliss. that is what dan knew when he woke up the day after his 19th birthday with his laptop half-open on skype showing his boyfriend fast asleep with a party hat on. yeah this is what love was all about. he felt like he could do anything as long as he had love and it felt fucking amazing! 

_Tell me do you still remember feeling young  
Strong enough to get it wrong_

now he wakes up next to his boyfriend every day no need for skype or other video calling apps. he is right there lying beside him on the day after his 28th birthday without the party hat this time. he was just so calm and content. that made dan smile like an idiot.

_Strong enough to get it wrong  
In front of all these people_

he didn't need to anyone about how tightly phil hugged him at night or how many times phil had drunkenly said i love you whilst his words were slurred or even what they got to on his birthday because he didn't want to. it was his life and he did what he liked with it. 


	10. perfect now

_'Cause everybody's looking at you now_

phil never felt prouder than when he saw dan wearing colour or painting his nails because he has seen the timid shy boy become into a confident man. that was his dan howell and he loved this man more than words could possibly say.

_I guess some queens don't need a crown_

he never needed to do anything to prove phil's point but just exist and be himself. that was enough. 

_Even when your tears are falling down_

but dan was only human and had insecurities like everyone else and phil knew that. every single one of dan's own personal imperfections was just another thing phil loved about him.


	11. defenceless

_No, you don't have to keep on being strong for me and you  
Acting like you feel no pain, you know, I know you do_

dan could tell when phil was anxious. the way he would look down and not speak much at all to dan or anyone at that matter. he really wishes he could just snap his fingers and all his anxieties would be lifted, sadly he could not and dan knew that more than anyone. he wishes he could tell him that would be alright but he knew the best thing even though it felt like the worst thing, would be to leave phil to open up by himself. 

_And I can't get inside when you're lost in your pride_

dan hated seeing people he loved like this all wrapped up in worry and stress, he just wanted to pull phil out of this toxic trance.

_But you don't have a thing to prove_

but at the end of the day, dan knows phil will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> see i tried


End file.
